How to Ask for Help During Postpartum (and Actually Accept It!)

Asking for help is hard. Really hard.

Maybe you don’t want to burden others. Maybe you think you should be able to handle everything on your own. Or maybe, deep down, you fear that needing help makes you weak.

But here’s the truth: It doesn’t.

Needing help is human, especially in the postpartum period when you are navigating one of the most intense physical, emotional, and mental transitions of your life. The idea that you’re supposed to have it all figured out is a harmful myth that keeps too many new parents from getting the support they need. So let’s talk about why it’s hard to ask for help—and more importantly, how to do it in a way that makes your life easier, not harder.

Why Is It So Hard to Ask for Help?

There are a few big reasons people struggle with asking for support:

• Fear of looking weak or incompetent. If you’ve always been independent, asking for help might feel like admitting defeat. But it’s not. It’s actually a sign of self-awareness and strength.

• Underestimating others' willingness to help. Studies show that people actually want to help more than we assume. When you ask, you’re not burdening someone—you’re giving them an opportunity to show up for you.

• Overestimating the inconvenience to others. You might think you’re imposing, but most people feel good when they can offer meaningful support.

• Not knowing how or who to ask. You might think, “No one really understands what I need.” That’s fair! But with some intentionality, you can find the right people and ask in a way that makes it easy for them to say yes.

  
  

The Power of Asking: It Takes a Village

Most help only happens after a request. That doesn’t mean people don’t want to help—it means they don’t always know what you need or if it’s their place to step in. When you ask for help, you create an opportunity for kindness, emotional closeness, and stronger connections. It’s a win-win.

But first, you have to admit that you need help. That alone takes courage. Then, you have to allow others to help, which can feel even more vulnerable. But here’s the thing: Accepting help doesn’t mean giving up control. It means recognizing that you don’t have to do everything alone.

How to Ask for Help Effectively

If you’re ready to ask for help but aren’t sure how to go about it, here are some key steps:

1. Get specific. Instead of saying, “I need help,” try “Could you pick up some groceries for me?” or “Would you mind holding the baby while I nap?”

2. Be direct. Vague hints don’t work. People aren’t mind readers. “Could you drop off a meal this week?” is much clearer than “We’re struggling over here.”

3. Ask the right people. Some people will step up; others won’t. That’s okay. Reach out to those who are reliable, understanding, and available.

4. Make it easy to say yes. Give options, like “Would you rather help with laundry or bring dinner?” so they can choose what works for them.

5. Express gratitude, but don’t over-apologize. You don’t need to feel guilty for needing help. A simple “Thank you, this means a lot” is enough.

   
   

What If Your Village is Small (or Nonexistent)?

Not everyone has a built-in support system. Maybe family is far away, or friends are busy with their own lives. That doesn’t mean you have to do this alone. There are still ways to build a support network:

• Hire a postpartum doula. If you don’t have family nearby, a postpartum doula can provide hands-on support with newborn care, feeding, emotional recovery, and household tasks. (Wondering why hire a doula? Because they specialize in making your postpartum experience smoother and more supported.)

• Join a local mom group. Many communities have in-person or online groups where new parents connect, share advice, and offer help.

• Seek professional support. A therapist, lactation consultant, or support group can be invaluable resources in navigating postpartum challenges.

Final Thoughts: Accepting Help Is a Strength

Motherhood was never meant to be a solo journey. The idea that you should be able to handle everything on your own is not only unrealistic—it’s harmful. When you allow others to help, you give yourself the chance to heal, rest, and truly enjoy those first precious months with your baby.

So take a deep breath, let go of the guilt, and start asking for what you need. You might be surprised at just how many people are ready to show up for you.