This One’s for the Dads and Birth Partners: What You Need to Know About Labor

If your partner is preparing for labor, you might be wondering: What exactly is my role in all of this? How can I support them in a way that actually makes a difference? Whether you’re a husband, wife, partner, best friend, or family member stepping into this role, your presence matters more than you might realize. Labor is one of the most intense and transformative experiences of a person’s life, and the support system around them can shape the entire experience.

So, let’s talk about how you can show up and be the best birth partner possible.

Your Presence Matters More Than You Think

A supportive birth partner isn’t just someone who holds a hand during contractions—it’s someone who provides emotional reassurance, helps create a calm environment, and advocates for the birthing person’s wishes when needed. Studies have shown that continuous support during labor can lead to shorter labors, fewer interventions, and a more positive birth experience overall. That means your role is essential.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Educate Yourself Ahead of Time

Birth isn’t just a physical process—it’s deeply emotional and sometimes unpredictable. Understanding what to expect can help you stay calm and confident when labor begins. Take the time to learn about the stages of labor, pain management options, and common interventions. Attending childbirth classes or reading up on evidence-based information can make a huge difference. If your partner is planning a natural hospital birth, understanding the process will help you advocate for their wishes.

2. Know What Your Partner Wants

Every birthing person has different preferences. Some may want quiet and gentle encouragement, while others may need verbal affirmation and physical support. Go over the birth plan together so you know what they want regarding pain relief, movement, interventions, and immediate postpartum care. That way, if they’re in the thick of labor and struggling to communicate, you can help ensure their wishes are respected.

3. Be the Calm in the Chaos

Labor can be intense. Your partner may have moments of fear, doubt, or exhaustion. Your job is to remain steady. Use a calm voice, offer reassurance, and remind them that they are strong and capable. Your confidence can help them feel safe and supported.

4. Support, Don’t Fix

One of the biggest mistakes birth partners make is trying to “fix” labor. Labor isn’t a problem to solve—it’s a process to move through. Instead of offering solutions, focus on being present. Hold their hand, apply counterpressure, suggest different positions, and offer sips of water or a cool cloth. Sometimes, just being there and reminding them to breathe is the most powerful support you can offer.

5. Encourage Rest and Hydration

Labor can be a marathon, not a sprint. Encouraging your partner to rest between contractions, stay hydrated, and keep their energy up can make a big difference. Offer small snacks if they’re able to eat and remind them to sip water or an electrolyte drink.

6. Advocate for Your Partner’s Wishes

Medical settings can sometimes feel overwhelming, and decisions may need to be made quickly. If your partner has specific birth preferences, you can help by making sure their voice is heard. Ask questions, clarify options, and ensure that they have the time to make informed decisions. However, advocating doesn’t mean speaking over them—it means amplifying their wishes when needed.

7. Know When to Step Back

Sometimes, the best way to support your partner is by giving them space. If they are deeply focused, mid-labor, and seem unresponsive, they may not need words—just quiet, steady presence. Follow their cues and adjust your support accordingly.

8. Consider Hiring a Doula

One of the best things you can do as a birth partner is to support the decision to hire a doula. Contrary to common misconceptions, doulas don’t replace birth partners—they enhance the experience for everyone involved. A doula provides expert guidance, reassurance, and hands-on comfort measures so that you can focus on simply being there for your partner without the pressure of knowing everything about labor.

Hiring a doula can also take some of the stress off of you. If labor is long or challenging, a doula can offer relief, provide suggestions, and help create a positive and empowering birth space. Plus, studies have shown that doula support leads to lower rates of medical intervention, increased birth satisfaction, and better overall outcomes.

9. Postpartum Support Matters, Too

Your role doesn’t end when the baby is born. The postpartum period is a huge transition, and your partner will need continued support. Helping with diaper changes, making meals, encouraging rest, and checking in emotionally are all ways to show up in those early weeks. And if your village is small or far away, consider hiring a postpartum doula for extra hands-on support.

Final Thoughts

Being a birth partner is one of the most meaningful roles you can play in someone’s life. Your presence, encouragement, and advocacy can transform a birth experience from stressful to empowering. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone—investing in a doula can help both you and your partner feel supported, informed, and confident as you welcome your baby into the world.

If you’re interested in learning more about how a doula can support you and your partner, let’s chat!